ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
