whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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