Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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