Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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