I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
