I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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