My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
