i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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