Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize