You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
