Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
