Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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