I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
