Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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