she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
