Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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