guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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