No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
