I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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