a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
