he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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