the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
