This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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