my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
