We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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