will power is for people who don't want to get laid
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
