just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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