So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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