i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
