he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
