The maid of honor just puked.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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