Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
