My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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