How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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