Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
