Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
