you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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