my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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