I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
