If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
