I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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