You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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