i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
