you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize