Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
