totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
