Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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