Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
