apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
