people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
