Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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