She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
