Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
