why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
