at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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