He had one of those small greek statue penises
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
ok first of all what the fuck
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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