if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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