Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
