i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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