hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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