Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
